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#Embracing the Journey to #Self-Discovery/After domestic abuse#.

Sandra Niche

Updated: Aug 1, 2024




#Embracing# the Journey of #Self-Discovery#


This Blog on #Self-Discovery# is develop to help my clients to re-discover themselves after coming out of an abusive relationship. This maybe because they have allowed themselves to be controlled and subdued for so long that they are out of tune with themselves and need to be re-discovered.

 

#Quest to #Self-discovery#,

In order for the individual to re-discover them self, they have to acknowledge that they truly lost their identity and is willing to own why and how they loose it.


#Steps to #Self -Discovery#

First, the individual has to

  • 1. Consider their Values

  • 2. Embrace your strengths and weaknesses

  • 3. Explore your passion

  • 4. Seek outside perspective

  • 5. Make time for solitude

  • 6. Own their intuition


The first steps to #self-discovery# is; recognizing one's Strengths. This is to understand that we all have unique abilities that make us different from others, set apart and these are called, Strengths and plays a vital role in shaping who we are.


#Self-Awareness# or having the ability to process self-discovery which is gaining insight of ones true self, knowing your values and what you worth, learn to prioritize one desire, strengths, weaknesses, and identity. Having the ability to know who you are and not allowing someone to dictate or change you, is powerful and this can be a journey to understand who you truly are and not allowing anyone to dis-empower you is important.

There are three P'S in Self-discovery.


  1. Find the Truth in your Pain: What is that pain that caused you to get to that place of want to change?

  2. In your Purpose: What is the Purpose of your pain, is it to help you to come to grip with your true self-what is causing you to allow yourself to get to that place of discomfort and what you need to do to stop the cycle.

  3. And Person: Who really are you, do you know what you were created for, who you might send on this earth to help.


#Steps of Finding one-self#

  1. First, you got to feel the need to want to change and ask yourself; what is my desired lifestyle? How do I see myself living and what does it takes for me to get to that place.

  2. Reflect on your relationships: Ask yourself, who are the people you have in your life and do they deserve your time and effort. Also, ask yourself, how are they benefiting me.

  3. You have to learn to do things on your own at times, its part of knowing who you are. That you can survive on your own and have the potential to enjoy you.

  4. Focus on your passion. Find out what do you take pleasure in doing, what skill or hobby you are passionate about and do it.

  5. Learn to keep yourself organize, this will help you to focus on what is important to you.

  6. Know when to unwind, that is not easy but you got to put in time for you.

  7. Make a list of what you like about yourself and celebrate them.


For many individuals, it is not easy for them to cope with difficult situation, more-over picking up the pieces of life on their own, especially after a break up or being in a situation whereby they have experience abuse and that is why they will need a mentor to help navigate them back to their true self.


The journey can be devastating, traumatic, people starting to feel sense of hopelessness, asking themselves questions for example, how do I start life over? That can be difficult especially not having the right type of support or network can be devastating.

According to statistic, " That domestic abuse is common in the UK, and its harmful impacts on survivors can extend to many areas of their lives, including mental health, physical well-being and family safety'' Refuge.org.uk


These are some of the situations that women encounter that has the potential for them to lose their identity. They will be so consumed with the problem that they forget who they really are.


Facts: the Police receive a domestic abuse related call every 30 seconds

Facts: 1 in 4 women in England and Wales will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime which can cause isolation but you are not alone, you can find support.

Facts: It takes on average 7 attempts before a woman is able to leave for good. It is a process and not a single act.

Facts: Domestic abuse lead women to suicide.

Facts: 20% of children in the UK live with an adult perpetrating domestic abuse, that is 1 in 5 kids.


Facts: Young girls in the UK report high incidents of sexual violence. 41% of UK girls age 14 to 17 in an intimate relationship experience some form of sexual violence from their partners.

Facts: Domestic abuse costs the UK an estimate of £23 billion a year. Refuge.org.uk

I would like to share a snippet of my story from my book Overcoming. The book gives a true account of my life how I struggle to overcome domestic abuse. After many years struggling with different forms of abuse, from childhood into adulthood, I had to look deep within myself one day and be honest with myself to why I was experiencing this problem, I realized it was lack of self- esteem. I did not know how to value myself.


Even-though I came from a dysfunctional family, I told myself I was not going to allowed myself to be battered for ever. So, I delve deep into my inner self, and uncover a mystery and asked myself, why am I allowing myself to accept this evil to be done to me, and decide that I deserve better and that was when I realized the problem was lack of self -value.

Also, I realized staying in the problem long enough, I was allowed myself to get lost in the situation and that creates a faulty mindset of who I truly was.


So, I had decided that I was going to do the work on me, I started to uncover layers that I allowed to be piled onto me by the perpetrator and lift myself from that low place. For example, the feeling of shame, worthlessness, not worthy, not beautiful enough to love myself, rage, anger, feeling of self-pity, defeat, doubt and fear and grab hold onto faith and that was what led me to seek out who this God was that I was hearing about.


To be honest, that was not easy but I had to come to that place that I say enough is enough and that happened one night after a brutal altercation, this is where I could see if I stay here any longer its either he kills me or I end up on the other side.


So I prayed a prayer, asking this God I thought I know that if He was real to deliver me. It was two days after that prayer, help came and that was how I walked free from that lifestyle of physical violence.


#Hidden #Bad Habits#

There are hidden bad habits that can affects one's identity, beliefs, and desires. When I talked about inner-self, I mean to find out who someone really is, your likes and not allowing anyone to manipulate you or cause you to compromise, what you were created for. Your beliefs and desires, meaning what drives me. So, I am going to walk you through my journey to what led me to where I am today, so they can learn to develop these strategies of finding out different attributes to who they are in the midst adversity.


For example, the most important thing for me was, to disassociate myself from the problem; and how do one do that? The most important thing to know is; the problem is not who you are, it is a situation you are faced with and need addressing.


You have to find ways and means to get to the bottom of it.

How do I start, one may ask? Find someone you trust to start to talk about it, and the most important thing to know, you are not to be blamed for what happened to you, its the perpetrators choice, he chose to do what he is doing to you. This is because he has an ultimate goal, and that is to sub-due and control you, to turn you into a victim. A victim can be seen as weak, voiceless and codependent.


Do not let the situation you are experiencing define you. For me, whilst I was experiencing domestic abuse; I developed this notion “It is real, but I do not have to accept what is happening to me’’ I became selfish in my thoughts; hence I had to do lots of self-talk. For example, I would ask myself “Why am I allowing someone to impute their fears on me?’’ Every perpetrator has something that they are afraid of, and that is not to be alone, so their aim is to sub-due, dis-empower and subject their victim to a stage of solitude, they want them to feel what they are feeling. insecurity, lack of self-esteem, anger and rage.


Inflicting pain on the individual will dis-enabled them and caused them to depend on them and that is why most perpetrators do not want their victim to work, because embracing independence will give them reason to want to experience freedom, and if they are free then they will have choices and one of those choices is to leave.


I made up my mind that I was ready to leave. I had to decide what is the inevitable if I get caught or running for my life? I had to be strategic, and that is when I discover who I am, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that the plan of the enemy is to rob, kill and destroy and I developed that knowledge through my faith. Then, I grab hold onto what I want, that was either life or death and I chose life and that is when I get the courage to walk away from that life of abuse. This belief must be self-will and craft in self-determination and no one can do it for you, you have to desire change.


So, once you discover that is what you want, then the transformation process allows you to understand who you truly are, beyond the roles and expectations imposed by society, family, spouse and others . Also, it is important to self-reflect that you can hold yourself accountable for mistakes you made and ready forgive yourself and put in place a strategy how you can avoid making the same mistake again, but that can only happen through having that awareness of what caused you to make that mistake in the first place, also what part you played.


#The Importance of Self-Reflection#

The first step in self-discovery is self-reflection. Taking time to ponder over one’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences that helps to identify patterns and understand our motivations, create a Journal, find time for meditation, and practice mindfulness which are effective tools that facilitate this inward exploration. By regularly engaging in these activities, we become more attuned to our inner world, been able to make wise and inform decisions, leading to greater self-awareness and clarity.

 

 

#Challenging Limiting Beliefs#

 

Often, our perception of ourselves is shaped by limiting beliefs that hold us back from reaching our full potential. These beliefs, ingrained in us from a young age maybe someone said something negative that caused self-doubt and low self-esteem and cause one lacking self-confidence. That can create a distorted self-image and if not address can follow through to adulthood. To discover one true self, it is essential to challenge and re frame these limiting thoughts by replacing with positive ones, this can be achieved through positive affirmation, seeking new perspectives, and surrounding ourselves with supportive and uplifting individuals.


#Exploring Passions and Interests#


Another crucial aspect of self-discovery is exploring one’s passions and interests. Engaging in activities that bring us joy and fulfillment can reveal a lot about our innate preferences and talents. Whether it's painting, hiking, writing, or learning a new skill, dedicating time to our passions helps us connect with our authentic selves. It is in these moments of pure engagement that we often find our true calling.


#Embracing Change and Growth#


#Self-discovery# is not a static process but a dynamic one that evolves over time. As we grow and experience new things, our understanding of ourselves also changes. Embracing this change with an open mind and heart is vital. Each new experience, whether positive or negative, contributes to our personal growth and shapes our identity.


Conclusion


The journey of self-discovery is a deeply personal and can be enriching to the individual. It requires patience, courage, and a willingness to look within. By committing to this journey, we can lead more authentic, fulfilling lives and build deeper connections with others. Ultimately, self-discovery is about uncovering the essence of who we are and embracing the person we are meant to be.


Catch you soon for another Blog: Entitle; #Nurturing the New You#.

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